Blog In Peace

Hey faggots,

There are two things that are certain in this lifetime: taxes and death. I plan on discussing taxes in a future blog but in this one I'd like to talk about death, and for the first time I want to talk about my own, not everyone elses.  I know it's terrible to think about, but one day in about 200 years or so, I might actually die. I say "might" because I'm about 27% certain that I am immortal.

While I cannot control how I will die, I would like to control what happens to me after I die.  That's right, this is an AWESOME FUNERAL PLANS   
 BLOG!!! 
First off, I need a good song to play at my funeral. I don't want something lame like Stairway to Heaven or Highway to Hell. I'm thinking something along the lines of Zombie Ritual by Death or Super Rad by the Aquabats, if I happen to be in a ska mood when I die. Of course Cannibal Corpse would be appropriate as well. Just nothing with Corpsegrinder singing! YUCK!

When I die, I want my clothes to be given to somebody that looks similar to me. Then, I want them to dress like me and barge in on the funeral and shout "Wait! I'm not dead!" Then someone else who also looks like me, will come in (also wearing some of my clothes) and they'll yell "Don't listen to him! I'm the real Zach!" Obviously, this will start to get a little fuckin crazy. Which is why the two imposter Zachs will then fight in a STEEL CAGE MATCH! I've always wanted to fight in a steel cage match, so what could be better than two of me fighting each other in a steel cage?

After the cage match, somebody will most likely check the casket to make sure I am really dead, but hold on one second! It was another body double! The real me will be strung up from the rafters and turned into a marionette.  Once I've been lowered onto the stage, it will be revealed that I have hidden clues everywhere that will lead them to the antidote...

At this point, someone who I've been a dick to will probably rip down my corpse and throw it in a sewer. Which is where I'll link up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then, they'll inject me with an experimental serum which will bring me back to life and I'll live out the rest of my days as a YOLOing, crime-fighting, sewer-dweller.

 Super Rad Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIqLz6LqMsU
Zombie Ritual Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU0oa4lVaZI